


What's a Man To Do?

by FicAddy



Series: Life's a Mill (And I've Been Through It) [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I don't want to give away the story but it's not between SuperCorp, Implied/Referenced Cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 07:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10657866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FicAddy/pseuds/FicAddy
Summary: Lena learns her lessons the hard way.





	What's a Man To Do?

Before the tears I've cried  
Have even dried  
She'll be with him  
They'll look in each other's eyes  
And with her lips still warm with lies  
She'll kiss him

~Vince Gill~

When she leaves, she leaves me.

I never know where she goes but she’ll be with him.

I never know how long it will be before she returns to me. There will come a day she won’t, I’m sure.

Lying to me has become habit to her. It’s an insult to think that I’m fooled by paper-thin excuses and beguiling eyes. She thinks I don’t hear her on the phone, asking for the when and where. After meeting him, she thinks a long, hot shower rids her of the evidence of her betrayal but the stench of his cologne clings to the sheets we share, driving me from the room altogether. She never asks why when she wakes up alone.

I don’t know why she stays. I don’t know why I do. He’s more to her than just a casual fling. We were never married, but bound together nevertheless, but I think it’s safe to say she’s committed herself to another. We only share this house now, which is no longer fit to be called our home.

She won’t let me kiss her, turns away when I approach. She doesn’t smile at me anymore or at all, frankly. Her voice sounds dull, a monotone, only filled with the beginnings of excitement when I catch her calling him.

She’s restless. Listless. Slowly losing her mind, it seems. I wonder when she’ll break and take me down with her. We barely speak. We never make plans. No one asks or wonders why. Her friends must know the truth. I have no friends other than hers.

When she’s not with me, I lie awake dreaming. I think of his hands on her hips, his eyes drinking her in, his chest pressed to hers. My stomach turns when I imagine his mouth stealing gasps and sighs from her lips. Lips that lie to me as thoroughly, as _passionately_ , as she kisses him. She’s a master at both.

When she returns to me, she doesn’t leave him. She tethers himself to him by way of text message and other technology, some of it designed by the very woman waiting for her in the darkness and the silence of their living room.

When the bleeding stops and the very last breath is pulled from this relationship, I swear I will never let myself be this vulnerable again. It causes too much pain for far too long. This thing will continue to fester, then decay. Ultimately it will leave a scar that will never really heal. Another hard lesson learned.

In the end it’s as simple as her not coming back to me. Friends ring our doorbell and carry the remnants of what used to be out of the house one box at a time. A courtesy phone call to make it official and I’m by myself again, imprisoned between walls that remind me of yet another failure.

_Not good enough._

_Left behind._

_Always an afterthought, no one’s priority._

I should be used to this but I’m not.

I hurt.

I live a quiet life, when mother and Lex will let me. Every now and then they try to lure me to the dark side. I’m tempted more often than not, but I know why they want me. They need what I know, not who I am. They love the head on my shoulders, the knowledge inside it. The rest of me is not important. They simply don’t care. It’s a good enough reason to stay away. I’ll find my destiny on my own.

Lex is arrested and it creates a massive disturbance. I wish to be left alone but everyone seems to want a piece of me. Reporters are camped out in front of the house, my mother keeps calling every half hour. I want peace. I want quiet. I want to watch the world go by from inside my fortress. Let me be with my books and my tools and my tinkering in the basement.

The verdict means the end of Lex Luthor, in a manner of speaking. Truth be told, he’d welcome death before a life behind bars. Mother is trying everything in her power to get the apple of her eye out of trouble, but none of her bribes seem to pay off. I’m sure she’ll think of other ways. A well thought out jailbreak sounds exactly like something she could pull off.

With brother dearest out of sight, mother’s attention is solely mine, albeit twenty years too late. We fight and fight some more, but I refuse to see things her way. She seems to have forgotten that I’ve been taught well by all the people that have found ways to hurt me in the past.

_I do not trust. I do not bend. I do not break. I do not fail._

With everything going on in my life, it would be easy to forget the most recent betrayal, but my dreams won’t let me off the hook that easily. I’m haunted by thoughts of people using me then leaving me. It will always be my deepest fear.

After another standoff with the Luthor matriarch, I’m done with my surroundings. I no longer have a place in Metropolis. I need to move on.

Circumstances bring me to National City. After months of writing business plans, scoping out possible locations and reviewing hundreds of résumés, L-Corp is raised from the ground up. In the early stages of my venture, possible investors aren't convinced I’m not trying to continue my brother’s reign of terror. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I try to do some good and make myself proud. It’s the only purpose I have.

I try to keep my nose clean and my eyes and ears open. I live on borrowed time, never knowing when another attempt on my life will be made. It’s disheartening at times but I’ve realized a long time ago that I’m not afraid to die. I leave no loved ones behind. My death will affect no one but myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to live. I like what I’m doing and who I’m becoming. It would be a shame, but oh so fitting for me, to have someone pluck me from this life when I’m finally blossoming.

In order to keep my priorities straight, I go over my lessons at least twice a day.

_Do not trust, bend, break, fail._

_People are interested in what I do, not who I am._

_There’s no such thing as friendship. They’ll take what they need and leave you with nothing._

_Do not fall in love. You’ll never come first. You’re the afterthought._

It works like a charm.

Until Kara.

Ten minutes is all it takes.

One short meeting against twenty years of lessons and mantra’s and brainwashing but Lena already knows she is truly and utterly fucked…

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know where to start... This song has been haunting me for a while now. And since this series is inspired by Country Music, cheating is pretty much prerequisite. I just couldn't let them cheat on each other. The title is what it is.


End file.
